Do I have your attention? Great. I am not really that cool for it. But I’ll tell you this, I hate whatever is mainstream. This is why; I am a jealous being when it comes to shared feelings. I will tell you titles of the books that I have come to like but I might be a bit reserved with those books I relate to because I can’t stand the idea that they make others feel the same way they make me feel. But more than that I can’t stand the idea of exposing what’s dear to me for a misunderstanding. I remember when the movie “Perks of being a wallflower came out”, I read the book first and I still do, like a bible of the last print, I keep it hidden even from myself. It speaks volumes. And so this one time I suggested it to a friend of mine, he then told me that he pities “Charlie” big time because he was mentally troubled. I have never felt so insulted and misunderstood. It’s like making your best friend listen to a song that speaks half your truth and they tell you the drum play or that moment of a guitar solo was cool. Then after that, whenever someone asked what book I enjoy reading most, I would tell them those I like but not feel that connection with, at least not to the people who can’t read me out of the books and songs.
But recently, something changed for me. The death of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. Now, normally I would have flipped if something I love gets that much attention from a whole wide world and go, “ Meh, I’m not interested anymore.” But this was not one of those moments, the more I saw how much he meant to a lot of people the more I loved and respected him. For one thing, he was part of our teenage and troubled days. We all had different stories and his music spoke to us personally. It was not one of the sad incidents one shares with another under a broad-spectrum level, each and every one of us have a specific moment to where and when we discovered his music allowing it to speak to us. I am not going to go into what he meant because I would have to go years and years back and to narrate those moments would come in some kind of a life-long series and I am not even joking nor exaggerating. He left everyone with such a shock that would take days if not years to process. You never know when it would kick in hard and deep when you are too drained to let out anything. So, back to mainstream, the whole reason for me to write this is out of respect and I would go downright dramatic if I have to if by any chance it may be known that he mattered. Some people, some songs, and even characters are sometimes the reasons many don’t feel alone. It’s such an accomplishment when a single person reaches so many when he can’t be there for himself. His death opens so many doors to many matters that have been left behind a shelf for dust and a web of ignorance. The cause is what caused the shock, like walking into your therapist room and finding him tearing apart before another therapist, what do you do when that happens? You close the door as if you have never been there and have not witnessed a thing. Just like that, it’s a great loss. The news is a mainstream that I am not ashamed nor feel too cool to lead as far as it takes us. It’s rare for someone to matter within a closed circle let alone ubiquitously. I want to say a lot about the cause, which is suicide, and how many are referring it as a weakness and a selfish act, but to open that agenda would take a lot than just a page so here is a simple message.
Some can have it all and not know what to do with any of it or why they even have it and if they deserve it, some are damned to life as if cursed from their first breath and still struggle under a wishful thinking. Some feel as if they are a spacer to this world so the bars set by the fortunate people don’t meet the ground, some feel like a filler, some feel like a ghost haunting their own selves and some feel like the world with no life in it. Some feel like the sun, a light to others and a burning ball of gas to some, some feel like a failed cure while some feel like the disease itself, some people like God who has given up on humanity and some feel like the disappointing humanity in a whole. I could go on, but through all this, there is always something we all use as a kick that would give us the dose to wake up and live another day feeling something closer to a human for once. And when one can’t find that kick while awake, either it goes around nudging others to wake up or goes back to sleep.
“Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed” is a line from the song leave out all the rest. And all I am saying is, our teenage days are all the reasons for him to be missed.
R.I.P Chester. Forever grateful.