People say that I overthink things. That I think waaaaay too much. Well I beg to differ. How is it possible for a person to overthink when there are countless occurrences taking place as many of the steps we take every day? I do agree that I think about a lot of stuff at once but overthinking maybe an overstatement…or not. So here is what I did. I recorded my train of thoughts. Thoughts of some day.
I won’t bore you with the details of the morning routine I’ll just jump into where the thinking usually starts.
So one morning I was walking to work since there was no taxi, listening to some old song I can’t seem to delete even though I play it once in a very while. So while at it, I saw this two kids holding hands, walking past me, talking about God knows what. They were going to class, they are so small yet vibrant. They saw me looking at them and they smiled shyly at me. They were wearing torn up uniforms, their hair messy and heavy bags upon their skinny shoulders. They were looking after one another even though they both could use a guardian. And I started thinking about all the other spoiled brats. And then our school days back in time. And how much have changed ever since. I wondered how many years they have to stay in school to follow their dreams or to follow other’s dreams set out for them. They looked so excited about something. I thought about the things that used to excite me like that, basically when there was a drawing class, or if there was going to be a radio in one of the classes where we have to listen to some story and whenever they pack a great lunch for me. So I wondered what these two little women were excited about. There is another school nearby, quite an expensive one where all children of some government officials and foreign ones go to. Those kids are driven with expensive cars, with their musical instruments and clothes of their choice. Not even a uniform. I sometimes watch some driving past me, the kids in the back seat on their phones and whoever is driving them lost in some thought. They never have to carry their bags. They wave good byes as they bounce off the car. I don’t remember coming across any with a smile or some excitement. So those little ladies I told you about earlier, they looked at the instruments the other kids were holding, even more excited, and as soon as they passed the school they got back to whatever they were talking about before, I guessed from their actions. Let’s leave it at that.
I finally got into the taxi. I always take the seat by the window, if available, so that I could look outside and yeah, maybe to avoid conversations. Normally, lots of things seem to happen or maybe it’s because I notice things. People argue over the simplest things, some talk so loud about something so personal through the phone, some poke you and tell you to take your earphones out because it’s rude and so many more to mention. So, we were on the go till the driver hit the brake. Cause: well some guy was crossing the road and he didn’t see the taxi coming. Lost in thought. And the driver started calling him all names and the guy said nothing. Nothing at all except I’m sorry. I felt really bad for him, again wondering what he could have been thinking. It’s not really hard to guess from the worried look printed on his face. He was literally absent mindedly walking. And I thought about all the times I have done the same thing. Probably thinking about a fight I may have had with someone, or writing. Yeah writing in mind and I would have to say it over and over again not to forget it. But this guy wasn’t thinking about any fight nor was he writing. He was a sad kind of worried. None of the hurtful names the driver was shooting at him seem to have bothered him, probably because nothing could hurt him more than what was going on in his absent mind.
So just like that, I kinda obsess on why things appear the way they do. Again I notice so it’s not really hard for me to capture moments at their exact occurrence. And if nothing worth my attention is happening around, if I am “not overthinking” then my mind is going through some lyrics. Wondering how they came up with a certain line, as an aspired writer it makes me wonder how, I would think about all situations that may have had triggered me to write that line had I been the one behind that song.
So evening took over, again, as I walked my way to the taxis, there, I always come across this lady, well because she’s always there. She’s homeless. She spends that time or even more under this tree sketching. She doesn’t even look up for once, just sketching, immersed in whatever she is drawing. The ones’ she’s done with are always laid by her feet. She’s amazing. I wonder what happens to those sketches. That’s passion. And that ignites a question in my head. Would I do that? It’s so obvious that she do it for herself. And there were other ladies next to her, there is this one in particular. She’s so beautiful. She kinda has hazelish eyes that’s how I noticed her. She goes around begging for some money and in a humorous manner you’d find it hard to deny her. Then I started wondering about her. How she would have been someone to be praised for her beauty and probably for all the things she might have accomplished if she wasn’t there…..list goes on….
Sometimes, not on that particular day, in the taxi, I see all the religious images and quotes and sometimes songs. And I’d start thinking about religion. There was once this driver that I was really amazed by, he was singing from his heart. And that made me wonder what God could have done for him, thinking about the situations I have been through that may have imprinted the same feeling within me. And then there I was listening to some song. Then I think about all the gods that are out there. Some believed to have been there without a cause and some people created within their own convenience and for a cause.
Walking home is the best thing because there is this corner where I could see the moon so close and bright from. I walk looking up for some steps. Looking at the stars trying to identify some from what I have read from the star gazers book. Some thank God for the beautiful view and some thank science for naming it. I just thank the fact that I appreciate all that. I envy those in that area of study.
Then I’d go to sleep thinking about dreams. How weird it is that it’s normal to dose off for some time so sure that we will be up in the morning where in fact we might not.
So tell me, Am I an over thinker? Or is it because you don’t pay much attention? Because if you do, if you pay attention for once, then you would see that there isn’t actually much time enough to process all what’s happening around, all at once.